My head must be the size of Piccadilly Circus
Or the route of a north circular bus
If only for the football rhymes that I attempt to write
Like the striker that wouldn’t play at night
Even though the floodlights were full on
He made the point of saying arivederci then gone
Every night game exactly the same reaction
Not playing on but hoping we all enjoy the action
All I can do is say is repeat what has been said
And Luigis mummy ‘sez’ that it’s time for bed

Are we ready? well erm yes I think so
The gaffer screams my way DON’T YOU KNOW!
Well not at the moment mister boss man Sir
Erm will the hesitstion cost my place? Now be fair
I was your best player before you signed someone else
And then the time we sold every player tightening our belts
Staving off the threat of the docking of points again
See boss through all that I’m the one that’s stayed with you
Well ok my name is Luigi no bids came in that bit is true
But I would stick with you through the fires of hell
If only so I can hear that voice of yours scream and yell
If I don’t hear your voice daily I think I’ve gone ‘mutton’
And no boss this is not a [I'm sorry forgive me] put on
Playing for you in your team is a massive incentive
And to follow that line be a little inventive
So once again I can say thank you boss
For allowing me to play with all this kudos

Here we are again back to writing soccer verse
It’s a change from watching from sat inside a hearse
It may be the best brolly and rain cover we ever had
But it wasn’t much fun for me growing up as a lad
When the windows steamed after an exciting bit
We got blacker looks than deepest coal mining pit
You’d think that we’d been siting having perversive sex
And little me sat in my N.H.S very free looking ring specs
You should’ve seen the admiring looks I got when
I ventured out for tea then went back inside again
The men would say ”Of all the lucky bees”
Whilst the women shouted ”Can we have a turn please”
It wasn’t ’til years later that I found out what they meant
And then I wished I’d been sent to Coventry the one in Kent